2a.m. musings

its been quite a week. when not at work, i've been spending time catching up with the relatives. haven't really worked out much the entire week. went to the gym for an hr of cardio on monday(which was also christmas), and a jog around the estate yesterday. haven't done any weight training this week and i'll be lucky to get to the gym anytime before the guests leave on the 2nd. i hope i'll be able to get in a few more jogs at the very least.

this month i've been adding sprints to my runs after i was told by a friend that it'd help bring down the belly( you have to tighten the ab muscles during the sprints).i have to say that there's a noticeable difference. it is still protudes out slightly and might on a bad day be mistaken for cottage cheese, but hey, i can now see my feet! now if i could get the love handles to cooperate as well. it seems that they, together with my arms are refusing to budge. i'm hopeful though that they, like my belly, just need more time. maybe in another year the weight training will have a more visible effect on these parts...

had a recent encouter at the gym that left me floored for a bit. as i was putting on my make-up (i had a christmas get together) and generally feeling the post-workout high, the lady beside me struck up a conversation... it started off with her asking me if i had the flu, for i had just blown my nose (very bad when your trying to apply mascara). i said yes and that it was probably due to the weather. then she said very casually.... "you're very fat hor, must slim down". it was one of those moments where your at a loss for words. i just said that i was working on it. a year ago such an insensitive comment would have left me absolutely crushed and probably have me comfort eating. this time around it didn't really have much of an effect on me. mainly because i know that compared to the average size 6 (okay i don't know this for a fact, but it sure feels like it) singaporean there is much more of me to go around. but i'm also at a place where i feel comfortable with what i see in the mirror, even with it not being perfect.sure i still have frumpy days, but i no longer hate on my body. i've come to the realisation that no matter how much weight you may lose, there will be parts of you that do not measure up to society's idea of what is beautiful or perfect. and moreover sometimes it is just impossible to achieve these ideals because of our genetic limitations. i come from short, stocky gene pool, so i'll never be lithe and leggy no matter how many hours i slave on the treadmill. i guess its about making the most of what you've got and giving up the dream of a body that is not yours. i was reading recently how jessica alba hates her curves and wished she were longer and leaner. i mean puh-lease! see, its ridiculous.

i had given up on achieving cameron diaz's body long ago. my problem is being too impatient with my body. i lose sight of the fact that i had been abusing-by which i mean eating poorly and being a general slob- my body for a few years and its impossible to reverse the effects so quickly. i've gotta keep reminding myself to be patient. hopefully if i repeat that often enough it will replace my almost instrinsic need for immediate gratification; a by-product of living in this day and age.

on a final note, 2006 is nearly over. its been a life-altering year in more ways than one. its been tough without my dad but the experience has made me value the people i love and life so much more. losing weight has has obviously been a major focus this year too. mostly its made me more confident because i know i'm stronger than i ever gave myself credit for. hopefully 2007 will be another good year, with less heartache. happy new year everyone and may you be blessed with much peace, health and happiness!