taking stock

five months ago i decided to change my life. for the better. i remember the sense of desperation i felt most of the time. i was turning into a person i couldn't recognise, both on the inside as well as the outside. i have to be honest. if someone had told me on the day i signed up for the gym membership that 5 months along i would be 20 kilos lighter, i probably would have walked out, believing it to be one of those get thin quick scams.but amazingly here we are.the process of de-pudging definitely the central focus of things at the moment.

i will forever be grateful for the people who got me to where i am today- definitely a much better place. my mum, who spared no expense (almost an understatement!) to see that i became healthier. anthony, the former GM at cali orchard now at novena, who shared with me his own story of incredible weight-loss and who spurred me on to take that first step. and of course the man who believed i could do it, even before i quite believed it myself, my trainer cum motivator din.

before, i was begining to feel increasingly asexual, what with my hormonal system going beserk. the weight loss is slowly addressing that. din once said that most people start working out with the intention of changing their outward appearance but once they see how drastically it can improve other aspects of their life, they keep at it even after achieving their initial goals. i totally get it. i now sleep better and have energy throughout the entire day. i'm less grumpy, for which my mum is eternally grateful. my female functions have been given a kick start. all in all not too shabby for five months.

its also freed me from two lifelong hang-ups- food and weighing myself. i'm no longer afraid to have an entire family-sized chocolate bar or a bag of doritos at home cos i know i won't devour it in a single sitting. i know that if i treat myself to a snack, its one that is gonna be incorporated into my daily calorie limit. for once i feel control of what i put into my mouth rather than the other way around. i know i can stop myself when i feel i've had enough, and its empowering.the second took a little more time. din weighs me every day i see him and i weigh myself the days i do cardio.that's five times a week. strangely the numbers don't mean nearly as much as they used to. they don't make or brake my day the way they used to. being 72kg doesn't make me ecstatic. feeling the muscles in my arms or challenging myself on my cardio sessions does. a new staff member at the gym approached me a few days ago and asked me what my goal was. i said i wanted to bring down my bady fat percentage to the healthy range and increase my muscle mass.that says it all. its no longer bout the weight but the health.

i have been extermely fortunate to have been able to take this time out to focus entirely on getting healthy. but i'm gonna have to re-join the real world pretty soon. get a job. that will be the true test. will i be able to keep moving, to eat the way i have been? or will i rivert to my old, self-destructive habbits?the eating part i think i've got down, but its the exercise that i will have to consiously make time for. well nothing worthwhile was ever easy, so i guess its a question of making a lifelong commitment to myself and my well-being.