heading in the right direction

i was on the bus the other day when i happened to read a fellow commuter's t-shirt: "It's not where you came from that matters, its where you're at". well i don't know if i quite agree. how can you appreciate all that you have presently if you don't put in context to what you started with. even if you used to be better off, what hope have you of ever reverting if you do not take the time to reflect on the journey that got you to where you are. take losing weight for example. having to constantly tuck in my less-than-flat belly into my denims to keep the 'muffin-top' effect to a minimum can take its toll on one's self-confidence, but then i remember that not too long ago i used to have three 'rolls' of fat for a belly (i kid you not ppl!) my now uni-belly doesn't feel that bad.

the worst possible thing though is when you plateau. i have been stuck in the 66-65 kilo range since last december. no matter how much harder i've been pushing myself in the gym it hasn't made any difference on the scale. even the cheat meals haven't been working. during other times this is the point where my frustration would get the better of me and i would abandon my efforts because they've stopped working, knowing even as i did so i would end up right where i started-fat, depressed and worst of all disappointed with myself for lacking discipline. the thing that has kept me at it this time though is that i'm doing this for me; not because i think i repulse my family and friends, not because i think not being fat will help me fit in. just for me. and it helps that in the process i've discovered that i love exercising. who knew that the girl who always read a book while her friends were working out would someday become almost pathalogical about running herself?

i'm glad i've stuck to it. its made me happy even if my weight hasn't budged much. but guess what?? an in-body test yesterday revealed that my body fat percentage is now 27.8% while it was 33% in december. so though i weigh the same, i'm less fat and more muscle baby! so excuse me while i do a little happy dance...

take your mama out

my mum has asked me to help her with her efforts to get healthy. so we've been making our way down to the community centre gym near home. its been interesting to say the least to be able to tell her what to do instead, and call it like it is when she 'cheats' at resistance training.its been so convenient working out near home that i hope after my mum is more confident to work out on her own, i'd still be willing to put up with the hour-long commute to my usual gym in town. i don't wanna waste the 3k that was spent for membership! and not to mention i miss its plethora (ok just a wee bit of an exageration) of exercise machines and excellent ventilation. but one thing that's a welcomed difference at the community gym is that most patrons are friendly and have no 'airs' about them unlike those at the posh gym in town where so many of the patrons are so affected. and seeing actual heterosexual males working out is not too bad either.

i need to change up my resistance workout though cos of late i haven't been feeling the soreness that i'm accustomed to. who'd have thought i would ever complain of NOT being sore. hah. weirder things have happened. like being awakened(awoken?) in the middle of the night by severe abdominal cramps. i never had cramps, or 'normal' periods for that matter, for most of my adult life and my body seems to be making up for it now. hey but signs that i'm still functional right?

on a side note is there a manual out there on how to not act like a total doofus when interacting with the opposite gender?? god. a relatively good looking male approaches me and i turn into mr or rather miz freeze. or the incredible klutz. haha. not so funny when dumbells are involved. i thought we were supposed to grow out of our awkward teenage years?? i feel like ugly betty most times, but it'll all be good if there's a dreamy boss in my near future somewhere ;)

anniversary

its been exactly a year since i first started my weight-loss endeavors last year. 1st march 2006, the day i decided enough was enough. that i was sick of feeling out of control.

365 days later i'm about 25 kilos (i vary bet being 64.[x]-65.[x]) lighter! 25 kilos. that's 100 sticks of butter!! previously i had tried on numerous occasions to lose weight but only managed to stick to the new diet (never an exercise regime) for anywhere between a few days to a few months before i fell back to old habbits. i guess the keystone to success this time around was realising that in order to lose weight and keep it off, i have to make changes to several aspects of my life. which translated into incorporating exercise and changing my relationship with food. and not just while i'm trying to lose weight but for the rest of my life.

my philosophy has been that of moderation. i probably could've lost more weight in the year if i had worked out a little more (i usually clock 3-4 sessions in the gym per week) or eaten a little healthier, for often a time my sweet tooth gets the better of me. but at the same time the very fact that i've accomplished what i have not having to forgoe the things that give me pleasure, makes me more confident of keeping this up long term.

while superficially its been great being able to see the bulges dissapear, along with the Xs on the clothing labels, its been even more wonderful going to bed without the terrible knee pains that used to plague me, actually getting to bed at all in itself has been a bonus. my days are filled with so much more vigor and i hardly ever get depressed anymore (endorphins i tell ya!).

and lastly, though the very admission is somewhat sad, i feel revalidated. many of us let their weaknesses define their self-perception. the year before i finally decided to lose weight i was the heaviest i'd ever been. i was depressed about it and yet it seemed there wasn't anything i could do about it either. so i would berate myself for my lack of self-control. looking in the mirror i could only see the fat person staring back. i lost sight of the other things that defined who i was; my kindness, my humor, my humility(hah!). self-loathing can be a dark and lonely place. but having come out the other end, i see now that you have to come to terms with what you cannot change and revel in the uniqueness that is your person. and then self-acceptance will follow.

what a year its been. my goals, fitness-wise for the next year include:

• toning up lose skin on my arms and belly
• getting my body fat percentage to the healthy 25% range
• entering a 5 km running event, depending how the knee holds out

so watch this space.