moving along gingerely

the cramps have got less intense which has made my day! had a session with din today, where we focussed mainly on upper body, with a few ab exercises. we're gonna lay off the legs for a few weeks cos my left knee is still sore. din says i might have damaged my cartillage, which basically means i'm fucked. so i'm gonna keep icing it and hoping for the best.

az has been working out with me this week. it's been fantastic cos firstly her trusty mitsubishi (however its spelt) gets us there in like 20min which means more snooze time. secondly she's a blast and working out is more fun with her around, even if she does occasionally lose the keys to her locker :)

i know its been a while since i last added a picture so here goes. this was taken today, and as u can see i need to be doing more crunches...but if u look real close u might catch a glimmer of aforementioned collarbones :)

heavily medicated

mister monthly visiter has arrived. and this time he's brought along agonizing cramps. without going into too much detail, being overweight all my life kinda screwed up my hormonal system. meaning i'd see mmv once in 2 months for two to three weeks at a stretch. and no cramps.none whatsoever. the doctor said that the fact that i didn't experience any cramps, was an indication that no egg was being released from my ovaries, a common occurance in those who are overweight or underweight.

so i guess the exercise and losing 16 kilos have helped restore some internal normality. could do without the cramps tho. thank god for mothers, best friends, hot water bottles and panadol.

this, that & the other

today was my first day back in the gym after almost a week off. din went easy on me, so i wouldn't be too sore tomorrow. the truly amazing thing tho was that though i spent six days doing almost no physical activity AND squeezing in the occasional piece of dark chocolate, i've still lost a kilo since last week. i'm now 74.4kg...and that 70kg goal is looking so much more attainable.

i know i said that the extraction was a breeze, but a couple of days afterwards i was having really bad toothaches. so bad that i had to take two pain killers before i could fall asleep. so yesterday i couldn't bear it anymore and went to see the dentist again, and apparently food had got stuck in the hole-where my tooth used to be- thus causing infection. then she used something akin to a syringe filled with some fluid to clear away the food and infection. GAWD the pain. all i could think was " i hope i don't cry"...and i'm not regularly such a wuss. so i'm feeling tons better now, still sore but nothing that requires painkillers.

when i first started exercising, there were several exercises which i coudn't do (running, step ups, lunges) because my knees were not strong enough to handle the stress. i used to suffer really bad knee pain constanlty, even from just going out shopping. but as i got lighter and my knees stronger, the knee pains have been completely eliminated. so much so that i've taken woking out, pain-free, for granted. then today, as i was brisk walking home i felt a sharp pain in my left knee and its been hurting ever since. i've iced it and hope that it feels better tomorrow so i can do my 40 min of cardio.i really hope it's nothing serious cos it would drive me nuts!!

i know i often don't talk about my father's passing mostly because i think that if i did the grief would overwhelm me and i'd lose my marbles. so during the day i kinda numb myself to the fact that he's gone and am strong for my mother, who's taking it pretty hard. but i've been dreaming of him all the time. the whole of last week i dreamt of him and it just sucks cos u wake up and he's gone, and it's like losing him again and again.it's been so bad that i've been waking up at all hours of the morning (which in some aspects is good cos i get to pray my subuh). my mother says that it's a sign that i need to pray for him, which i've been doing. stangely, she hasn't dreamt of him once. i hope these dreams get less frequent, so that i can have something resembling a normal life.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down to their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
Its in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

-Maya Angelou

catching up on some r&r

had my wisdom tooth extracted yesterday.was surprising pain-free.i was eating solids right away. when din heard about the extraction, he gave me the week off cos he anticipated me not being able to eat much for a while.well i might have to call him and arrange a session with him later this week.

its been good catching some shut-eye though. last week i had five straight days of workouts and was feeling a bit of burnout in the end.

i just realised that i'm feeling much less depressed than i was a few months ago. yes a part of it has been the exercise, but a lot of it is due to hanging out with my friends and actually talking about my feelings of loss rather than bottling them up.when something so overwhelming as losing a parent happens, its a blessing to have people you can talk to.

i've finally reached my mini-goal of 75.2kg, which means i owe myself a haircut. but seeing as how the lanka trip is drawing nearer and i only have 200 bucks saved i might add it on to my reward when i reach 70 (which will be shopping for a new wardrobe).

i have to pinch myself to make sure its not all a dream.to think that five months ago i was 90.2kg and busting out of most of my clothes, all of which are now ridiculously too big.God is great and the human spirit amazing, for it can overcome any tragedy or obstacle- if you allow it to.

random cuteness

my mum's relatives were in town for a coupla days. they have the most adorable children, a boy johan and two twin girls- nadia and hannah. being with them set my maternal instincts abrewing; until they all started crying-simultaneously- at least.

slow and steady

its been a while since my last post, mostly because of the world cup and wimbledon :) on the weight-front, i'm now 76.1kg, so that's a total of 14kg so far. i'm noticing the weightloss having a more visible effect on my body. can one's tush become bigger with exercise? cos i swear mine's looking- for the lack of a better word-perkier, as of late.

i was just looking through my secondary school's physical fitness test results, and discovered to my surprise that i not only weigh less than i did then, but i also take a shorter time to cover 2.4km! and another plus (depending on how u look at it really) is that most of my clothes are too loose for me, which can only mean one thing; shopping! i'm saving up most of my allowance to splurge when i go to sri lanka. i'm going to try to not go too crazy though cos i've still got about 10 kilos i want to lose, and it'll be pointless having so many clothes in my current size.

oh and i've been noticing my collarbones...not just feeling them but actually SEEING them. incredible. i'd heard about them before but at over 90kg ther're kinda like burried tressure :)

of course there are parts of me i still have major problems with. my stomach for instance, it just won't budge. it might even have got bigger. but as i keep trying to remind myself, i'm not in this for a quick fix but to change the way i live; as opposed to just my body. this weight did not come on overnight. my poor eating habits took years to cultivate. so, as much as i'd like these reversed like yesterday, that's just not gonna happen.

i've just gotta stick with it. every day i feel a little better than the day before. that's a small victory i'll be happy with for now.